Gavin Complex

Stony Brook Simon Center Cafe Review

2012-02-08T13:07:00.001-05:00

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Wow, the new cafe at SBU's Simon Center is, uh, pretty dignified. Tut tut, why eat like a rat at the union? I have real silverware!

And the coffee: it doesn't taste like a horse squatted over a pile of used coffee grounds and pissed a warm, frosty stream through the filter and into my cup. Finally.

I give the Simon Center Cafe four stars and one ray.

LA is, uh,

2011-12-29T12:03:00.001-05:00

exactly how I pictured it.

Did I really pick up a NY accent?

2011-12-28T23:56:00.001-05:00

Because that's what the west coasters tell me.

Really like the chill attitude out here.

San Francisco

2011-12-28T20:07:00.001-05:00

All I can say is I biked over the Golden Gate Bridge, got lost in the wilderness at night searching for the ferry back, joined forces with a tandem bicycle team, and slept 12 hours cradling my sore ass. Liked the bridge, liked the trolleys. Marveled at the drunks. One of them gave me insider info for $5. Can't tell you what it is.

Also, if you want to see San Fran but are too poor to book a hotel there - consider her ugly sister, SOUTH San Francisco. It's like Yipsi to Ann Arbor (eh, Michiganders?). Or Royal Palm Beach to Wellington (eh, Welly Worlders?). Has convenient access to the airport and the BART station therein. And a good IHOP.

I have one more day here, then off to LA.

Wrapping up Seattle

2011-12-26T21:36:00.004-05:00

Went and saw the Space Needle. Pretty cool.

View from the top.

Finally found the original Starbucks. Man is it tiny.

And a few final pics of Pike Place

They really do sing and throw the fish. And they're pretty big fish.

The Gum Wall

2011-12-26T16:09:00.003-05:00

The Gum Wall. Best thing I've seen in Seattle so far. Probably the best attraction, ever.

The scale of it is impossible to capture with a mere camera.

I chose to use Trident Tropical Twist.

And there it is. Like those little notes to G-d on the Wailing Wall.

Worth it?

2011-12-26T15:13:00.001-05:00

In a very long line for allegedly the best chowder ever. Hope it's worth it. And I also pray it doesn't result in osmotic diarrhea.

OK, I usually refuse to "food post," but here it is. Aw yeah. The sampler.

Free smoked salmon samples?

2011-12-26T14:19:00.001-05:00

Jew multiplier!!! CRITICAL STRIKE!!!

Seattle

2011-12-26T13:13:00.006-05:00

I arrived in Seattle late last night. Man, was that a brutal flight. I didn't realize that it was going to be over six hours. That's OK, I got a good night's sleep to get rid of that jet lag. Feels like lunch time, though (it isn't).

First stop is the Pike Place Market.

I'm typing this in the first Starbucks Coffee store, which is pretty neat. I can tell there's a lot of history here.

But what's up with the Showgirls next door?

One thing I find really interesting about visiting new cities is how the basic tenets of living are just slightly different. The sidewalks are made of some different kind of concrete, and consist of really small slabs. The asphalt on the road is different, too. Different color, different texture. The busses run on overhead electric cables. I'm not sure how that works. Can they change lanes? The light rail system makes New York look like it's in the dark ages.

That being said, I'm surprised how run down some parts of the city are. I saw the outlying areas while taking the 30 minute train ride from the hotel. I guess my view of the west coat - as an east coaster / Midwesterner - is that it's some sort of liberal cultural mecca. But it seems to have the same problems that I've seen in Detroit, New York City, etc.

Next stops are Chinatown, the Space Needle and whatever else I find. Tomorrow's flight to San Francisco is damn early.

Wait, maybe this is the first Starbucks?

Patching Up (10) - Vagrant Memories

2011-12-25T22:41:00.001-05:00

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I waited out in the hallway, trying my best to sit up straight. The whole suit was tight. I hoped that they wouldn't notice that I couldn't actually close the jacket anymore.

I remembered buying that suit, those socks, that tie. Different shoes, though. I bought it when I was twenty-one. It was January and med school interviews were beginning to roll in. College was wrapping up. So much opportunity was ahead. No matter what my troubles were at the time (small now, I realized) at least there was brightness ahead. I strutted into the Men's Wearhouse on Eisenhower, explained that I was going on med school interviews, outstretched my arms, and said:

"Dress me."

And they did a damn fine job for the budget. These foreign clothes accompanied me to San Francisco, Washington, New Haven and New York. This is working! Its really working!

More waiting. Another memory.

I remembered the moment I got that acceptance email. It was June. I had just made a turkey sandwich and sat down in the living room to eat. My roommate was lying on the couch, laptop on his chest. I opened my black Macbook, refreshed the inbox - and there it was. The future staring me in the face, in all caps.

NYMC ACCEPTANCE NOTICE

"I just got into New York Medical College," I said, plainly. He jumped up and grabbed my hand.

"Congratulations!"

I knew then that everything was going to be OK. That all my work had paid off. And going back to Westchester, my long-lost birthplace, seemed poetic. It felt right.

Was I wrong?

Patching Up (9) - PANIC!!!

2011-12-23T03:16:00.004-05:00

It was a very hot day to be in a suit.

I found a tree near the parking lot to lean against and get some shade. The agreement was that I could avoid repeating the year if I took summer courses in biochem and neuroscience. These were online courses administered by Drexel University, utilizing the recorded lectures and course materials from the previous year. Joining me were poor unfortunate souls from med schools all over the country. The only other option was to spend the summer at Georgetown, in person

Except my problem was a little worse. These were supposed to be eight week courses, completed by August. It was almost July, and I was just about to add a second course. My task was to find a way to succeed at biochemistry while taking an eight week neuro course in four weeks. And I had to find a way to do it all with a big committee meeting stuck somewhere in between. Officially, all this work was unofficial until the committee approved the plan.

This was wrong. I knew it was wrong. But what choice did I have? Under the tree, with my ears still ringing, I called up Drexel University to register for the second course. I paid $1500 more in tuition and had the documents faxed over to NYMC.

Game on.

The days were a blur. I worked on biochem during the day, trying to memorize all the meaningless information that I could. The only graded component was the final exam, coming up in four weeks. At night, I worked on neuro. The course had timed quizzes that had to be passed in order to advance to the next section. They're scheduled to be done once a week. I did them every other day. I don't know where the energy came from.

Finally, the big committee meeting day came up. This time the meeting took place in the very plain, very 1970's Basic Science Building. In my suit, I sat in a plain chair outside a plain door with a plain sheet of paper taped to it that read "PROMOTIONS COMMITTEE MEETING." Refrigerators and compressed air canisters lined the hallway. The groaning of the equipment drowned out the voices of the proceedings.

I had about half an hour to think: This is something you see in movies but never expect to actually take part in. I'd sooner imagine myself in a firefight with German terrorists while running barefoot over glass. And yet here I was, just Gavin, hanging on.

Catch up on Patching Up:

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-2.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-3.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-4.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/10/patching-up-5.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/11/patching-up-6-flying-high-and-losing.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/12/patching-up-7-things-fall-apart.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/12/patching-up-8-too-close-for-missiles.html

Patching Up (8) - Too Close For Missiles

2011-12-16T16:02:00.003-05:00

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Three on one.

"I am ASTOUNDED!" Dr. Rosen yelled, his fist striking the table. My
cup of water, now half full, trembled. Rosen was a pretty big man with
a booming shout. If he wasn't Jewish, I would say he had the build of
an undersized football player.

Rosen was angry because I continued to take public health classes
alongside medical school, even when I was failing exams.

Alvarez, dean of student affairs, demanded that I leave the medical
student journal, for which I was managing editor and incoming
editor-in-chief.

Eisenburg, the cell biologist, reminded me why he's on the autistic
spectrum. Nothing to report from that guy.

It became clear to me why the committee voted to dismiss. They thought
that this was my second year as a repeating student.

That wasn't really true, and Alvarez should have known that. She
either forgot to mention it to the committee or forgot about our
entire arrangement the year before. Next time I make a deal, I'll make
sure it's in writing.

Rosen was intent on my either getting kicked out or repeating again.

"What about the decelerated program?" I asked, "I was offered that last year."

"We don't do that anymore," Rosen said. As it turns out, the class I had started with (c/o 2012) hadn't performed so great on their boards. Rosen, as the new education dean, instituted a new policy: if you repeat a year, you repeat every class. Even the ones you passed.

Even the classes I passed? You mean take the intro classes a third time? The ones I thought I conquered forever? That I never even considered touching again? The messy ones? That's an impossibility.

So here I was before a panel of three doctors, all old enough to be my
parents. I should have been terrified, and maybe that's how these
meetings usually go. But I did something that visibly shocked them.
No, I didn't jump up on the table, shit on it, and run off. That would
have been the easy way out.

In spite of everything, I remained myself. I fought back.

I reminded those present about my leave of absence the year before
didn't count, because I left before completing any courses.
I reminded them that I came to NY Med specifically to earn the MD/MPH
and would not leave with less than what I came for. I let them know
that going to a night class twice a week for a few hours didn't hamper
my ability to study medicine. It enhanced it, because he things that I
loved kept me going.

I let them know how good I was in the clinical setting, and offered to
get a letter of support from Dr. Reyes.

We negotiated a deal. The MPH degree would not be jettisoned. I would
take the remaining classes (very few at that point) during fourth year
electives. I would leave the medical student journal (a white lie). My
summer research project was gone (OK, fine). And I would take a summer
course in both biochemistry AND neuroscience.

That last part was not good. With the grade I had, most students would
have just been given a summer exam in neuroscience. They were
punishing me.

Then Eisenburg drove the dagger in.

"I think he should also take the neuro miniboard."

That meant I would take ONE exam for the course I did terrible in (biochem) and TWO exams in the course I almost passed (neuro). That son of a bitch.

All of this was unofficial. My task now was to begin working on the
summer biochemistry course, get my ass registered for the neuro
course, and prepare to go before the FULL committee in a few weeks.

I left the room with no idea how I could complete the task they had
given me. The two physicians in the room, they were willing to cut me
some slack. In their way, they were trying to help me with tough love.

But the cell biologist, the guy who isn't even a doctor?

He really fucked me.

It's hard being a GSO Senator

2011-12-13T17:34:00.002-05:00

The sacrifices we make! You plebeians wouldn't underst- oh, can someone pass the hummus?

Patching Up (7) - Things fall apart

2011-12-12T02:33:00.003-05:00

*Names have been changed

The next block went about as expected. I did well in behavioral science, and I really liked it. The class consisted of a lot of case studies and many fun visits to the Loony Bin (behavioral health center). Those were some of the best days of my med school experience. Imagine a room with fifty medical students, all dressed up. In the front, the provost of the medical school (a shrink) interviews a real live committed patient. How cool is that? The next week we would to do the interviews in smaller groups. I never thought I would do that in my first year.

And the person who ran the behavioral science course, Dr. Deval* had more swagger than any doctor I have seen. He liked to lean against the wall, far from the podium, and sip a big cup of Dunkin Doughnuts coffee while lecturing with a strange accent. Legend has it, he was formerly a doctor in the Algerian army. I think he was special forces.

On the other side of the coin, there was neuroscience, taught by a crusty old Indian guy, Dr. Singh*. The man was so old that two of my old anatomy professors used to be his students – back in the eighties! The class was dry, complex and heavy on the memorization. Of course I sucked at it (relatively speaking). I ground it out and learned a ton, but the exams kept beating me. I almost passed. Almost.

At the end of the last exam of the year, the student government handed out cups of wine in the lobby. From atop the steps, they gave a toast. Never have I felt so left out. Most of my classmates sighed in relief. The year was over for them.

But I fell short. I still had to take a summer biochemistry course as well as whatever the neuroscience crew had cooked up. Dr. Singh assured me that I would be given a miniboard exam over the summer. Given that he had been course director for 40 years, I trusted the assessment. I planned to take a week off before diving back in, and went to my parents in Florida for the break.

A few days later, I was driving with my parents to have a Florida Jew Chinese Food Feast. My phone vibrated. I saw it was a 914 area code and picked it up. It was Dr. Alvarez*, the Dean of Student Affairs.

You know those moments that are captured forever in your head? The exact place and conversation? The feeling of lightheadedness?

I was driving a white Mini Cooper on South Shore Boulevard, right around Lake Worth Avenue in Wellington, Florida. My father was in the passenger seat, and my mother behind him. It was a Friday, around 5pm.

“How are you?” The dean asked.

“Good.” I always answered that. At least I used to.

“Good?! Did you see the neuroscience grades?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Gavin, I’m sorry. The committee voted to dismiss you.”

And what followed is a feeling that I don’t think anyone should ever feel. It's the feeling that, in one instance, your entire career has ended. The official letter was to follow via email and regular mail.

“You need to come in at 9am on Monday to appeal the decision.”

I hung up the phone. I didn’t have to tell my parents what the conversation was about.

We went straight home. I bought a plane ticket back to NYs for the next day. So much for family time.

I lay on the couch, looking through the skylight and up into the Palm Beach clouds. My heart was pounding.

“When you walk into that room,” Mom said, “you have your head held high.”

Monday morning. I put on my good shoes, tied my best tie and buttoned up my only suit. I marched under the columns of Sunshine Cottage, the very same building that I interviewed at two years before. It’s a dim building, with arched ceilings and tiny hanging lights. In the back was the Dean of Education’s office, with a mezuzah on the door. His secretary sat me down at an empty conference table and asked if I wanted water or coffee. I asked for water.

Alone, I looked around for clues on who I was about to deal with. On his desk was – I’m almost certain about this – a model of a Star Trek shuttle.

This is going to be OK.

In they came. On one side of the table was Gavin Stern, a failing medical student with half a masters in public health. Call it the visitor’s team.

The home team consisted of the Dr. Rosen* (Dean of Medical Education), Dr. Alvarez* (Dean of Student Affairs), and Dr. Eisenberg* (Chair of Cell Biology & Anatomy Department).

Take a deep –

“I AM ASTOUNDED!” Dr Rosen’s fist hit the table. “ASTOUNDED!”

(And this, I'm afraid, is only the beginning)

Stars and planets

2011-12-11T23:55:00.001-05:00

Tonight I walked from my apartment to the Stony Brook Union. It's about a mile of cold and clear darkness. Astronomy was a childhood interest, rekindled along with my new free time. I looked up to see what objects I could find.

There's Jupiter, to the West.

Orion straight ahead, with the reddish Betelgeuse, a binary star

Canus major below that.

And Cassiopeia behind me.

I also found a new one, Auriga.

Once I got to know a few of the constellations, the night sky has never been the same. You can't un-ring that bell. That bright yellow object that refuses to twinkle - when you recognize it as Jupiter, you can never wonder about it again. It becomes a reference point.

There's still a lot more to learn, and the list of constellations and objects to find is daunting. But the patterns are emerging, and a familiarity has set in. It's not the same sky.

It sure is different being 25.

Better than Santa

2011-12-10T10:56:00.001-05:00

You know those Kay Jeweler commercials with Santa?

"You went to Kay, she'll love it! I should know."

There should be a commercial with one of those Manhattan orthodox Jew Jewelers.

"You went to Rabinowitz and spent $30,000. Oy, she better love it!"

Every kiss begins with Rabinowitz.

If LSU-Alabama get a rematch, I'm going to flip my shit.

2011-12-04T15:33:00.004-05:00

The human votes, which make up 2/3 of the voting, have Alabama slightly ahead of Oklahoma State. Now it's up to the computer rankings.

There needs to be consistency in how the BCS picks a champion, and the precedent has already be set. A LSU-Bama rematch shouldn't happen. Not when there's a Big 12 champion sitting on an identical record as Alabama.

The Big 12 champion should go up against the SEC champion. To do otherwise would alienate the rest of the country and show the SEC supporters to be a bunch of crybaby hypocrites. After all, they argued AGAINST this kind of rematch (Ohio St vs Michigan) just a few years ago, and won the argument. It culminated in a huge BCS Selection Show that allowed Florida (then #3) to jump over Michigan (then #2). Does no one have a memory longer than a single season?

This is so ridiculous I can't stand it.

Hypocrisy! LSU/Alabama rematch should NOT happen!

2011-12-03T22:39:00.003-05:00

Whatever happened to the SEC people who prevented an Ohio State (ranked #1) versus Michigan (ranked #2) rematch a few years ago? As I recall, the SEC people whined, "you must win your conference to play for the championship." Because of that, Florida (#3, one loss) jumped over Michigan. Yet, Michigan's only loss was to the number 1 team in the country (OSU).

For SEC fans to now argue for a LSU-Alabama rematch is incredibly hypocritical. Alabama didn't even win their division, let alone their conference. The BCS needs to be CONSISTANT in how it picks teams for the national championship game.

I'd also like to point out, that even though Florida beat OSU that year, Michigan went on to beat Florida (and Tebow) the following year.

iTunes Match - Lossless files download as 256 AAC

2011-11-28T15:11:00.005-05:00

Just a little quirk for those of you who have questions about what iTunes Match does with your uploaded files. This took me a while to figure out.

After uploading to the iTunes Match I did a test to see how my unmatched Apple lossless files would download to my iPhone. I downloaded a song that was 40MB in size on my laptop. After a very short download, the free space on my iPhone only decreased by 10MB. I think that's good evidence that a big lossless file on your laptop will come back to your iPhone as a 256.

Or maybe iTunes makes a re-encoded copy to shorten the upload and reduce storage on their servers. That would be my guess, because the upload times were much shorter than expected. In any case, your lossless files will remain safe on your computer. In order to get highest quality version on your iPhone/iPod you will need to do a manual sync.

My oath to Subway:

2011-11-20T20:05:00.001-05:00

My name is Gavinus Marshallus Sternius. Commander of the Armies of the
North. General of the Stony Brook Legions. Loyal servant to the true
emperor, Jared. Father to a murdered ham sandwich, husband to a
murdered veggie delite. And I will have my minimum wage paycheck, in
this life or the next.

Patching Up (6) - Flying High And Losing Ground

2011-11-08T17:17:00.001-05:00

The white coat had been hanging in the closet for over a year, waiting for me. Now I got to dress up, put it on, and see patients. The idea was for me to learn how to interview patients. Many medical schools use actors for this, but NYMC instead uses clinical preceptorships. You get to see real patients in the first year.

My preceptor was about 1.5 hours away, which initially pissed me off. I entered a medium-sized community hospital in New Jersey in my interview clothes and stale short coat. A little uncomfortable. I found the pediatrics clinic and met Dr. Luis (not the real name) for the first of a dozen weekly visits.

"Helllllooooo Gavin!!!" He greeted me with a huge grin. Have you ever met someone who reminds you of yourself had you lived a different life? Had I been born Spanish, in the Bronx, and 30 years earlier, I am sure I would have turned out like Dr. Luis. Dr. Luis ran a free medical and pediatrics clinic, supported by state funds for people who can't afford regular medical care. He was also previously a residency director. Even though I was just a first year med student, I think having me around reminded him of those days.

Meanwhile, biochemistry and physiology didn't get off to a great start. With tests only once a month, I tried to ignore them. That old unhappiness was starting to creep back in again. Going into the clinic was a vacation - I loved it. And you know what? I was great at it.

After interviewing a some patients, Dr. Luis would take me into an empty room and start drawing on that paper that goes on top of the exam table.

"Tell me history of the present illness... did you learn about her sick father?... did you catch this problem? Do you know why that is?"

His questions were tough, but his glowing eyes made it clear he knew that I'd know the answers. I could interview the patients without a notepad and present the whole history from memory. Remembering them just wasn't hard for me. Whew.

"You naturally connect with patients. They really wantto talk to you." Dr. Luis said over and over during those winter months. What he was really reminding me of, not knowing it, was that I had some worth. That had been hard to come by. I have some talents? I'm not a failure? Wow.

At the end of one of my visits, just as I'm about to leave, his beeper goes off.

"Do you want to see a C-section?" I never saw any birth before!

Next thing I know, I'm in the locker room getting undressed with Dr. Luis. He hands me bright green stuff to cover my face, head and feet. The whole shebang. We go in together. The baby comes out and Dr. Luis' clears it's airway and takes an APGAR score. The baby screams for the first time. I leave with Dr. Luis to inform the family that everything went OK. The new dad thanks us both for doing such a good job. He shakes my hand. The mask obscures my smile.

"What good is a sundial in the shade?" -Ben Franklin

I took a long time to realize what I'm good and bad at, and why. I can put together incredibly vivid memories. I can access information in my head without delay. I can come up with complex ideas on the spot. My ideas and my ability to communicate are worth something for sure. But I cannot rote memorize. I guess that's just how my brain works. At 23 I didn't know myself well enough to know that. That is where the feeling of failure came from.

The winter was ending and it was getting to be spring. Preceptorship couldn't have been going better. I was going to pass physiology. I even had a research project lined up at the children's hospital. But biochemistry? Had I told Dr. Luis that I couldn't pass biochem, he probably would have thought I was joking.

Despite the failure, I wasn't yet in any danger. Failing one class isn't a huge problem in med school. Unfortunately, there was one block left for the year and plenty of opportunity to fuck up.

-----

Catch up on Patching Up:

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-2.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-3.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-4.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/10/patching-up-5.html

On Newsstands This Halloween

2011-10-30T22:46:00.000-04:00

The G-PLEX is in print, again?

"Paranormal Activities on Long Island"

http://www.sbstatesman.com/paranormal-investigators786

Best purchase decision ever.

2011-10-28T16:52:00.001-04:00

Supposedly "brain flavored"

A memo to the School of Journalism

2011-10-26T19:47:00.004-04:00

I heard there were questions about the cost of driving to NYC. Let me
assure everyone that my great-grandparents didn't escape Nazi Poland
so that I could overpay for parking.

A round-trip train ticket costs about $20, with a travel time of 2.5
hours each way. Total cost for the group: $160

Driving is only 1.5 hours each way, and costs $12 in gas plus $20 to
park for 12 hours (2 blocks away). There is no toll if you take the
Queensboro or Williamsberg bridge. Total cost for two cars: $64

The secret to parking, passed down to every Jew from Moses himself, is
bestparking.com. You can often park for as little as $10. I've
attached the voucher we would use. I propose we use the money we save
to get dinner and drinks after the New York Times visit. It is a Thursday, after
all.

The MONSTER assignment

2011-10-23T12:32:00.001-04:00

-
Today, my task is to collect up the pieces of the 10 interviews I
conducted over the past two weeks. The final product, due tomorrow, is
a 1,200 word profile story. It's not easy. But what really strikes me
is that today's stress, and tomorrow's finished assignment, all rely
on a functioning creative process. Oh, how my life has changed in six
months. I feel like the warrior put away his guns and took up the
sword again.

SubWay Insight

2011-10-22T18:32:00.001-04:00

-
Tonight at work, a woman ordered a footlong roast beef. After toasting
the bread, she had me cut it in half. The toppings, she said, would be
different for her husband's half.

"That's marriage," I said. "Same sub, different toppings."

She smiled. I rang up the order, as one 12" of course.

"I'm going to tell him that." She said.

"Goodnight. Take care."

Former med school prisoner returns to print

2011-10-17T21:19:00.005-04:00

A new era dawns upon the Stony Brook Statesman

http://issuu.com/sbstatesman/docs/statesman_10-17/1

My story on the Hilton Hotel being built at Stony Brook University

NY Occupation Adventure

2011-10-16T01:58:00.006-04:00

I went to Comic Con today, which was a lot of fun. But on the way in I heard there was a protest in Times Square related to the Occupy Wall Street thing. So once the convention floor shut down, I decided to check it out, at least for a little while. Turns out, I arrived at the right time. After a few minutes of people making speeches, the crowd began to move south. Literally, I was in a movement, and a few minutes turned into hours and hours. We walked all the way down to Washington Square Park, where more protesters were waiting. Here is my report.

By the way, although I personally didn't see any arrests, news sources report more than fifty people were arrested in Times Square. One organizer said he was punched in the face. At the beginning of the meeting in Washington Square Park, were were given a number to call if we got arrested - for legal help.

Of course, it also doesn't hurt to write down where my car is parked. I hear police batons are bad for your memory.

Walking from Times Square to Washington Square Park. Otherwise known as the "Trail of Tears"

Arriving in and Occupying Washington Square Park

Hope you enjoyed following along on the journey. I'll upload some higher quality stuff tomorrow.

Joining the protest in NY

2011-10-15T20:29:00.001-04:00

We're on the move from Times Square to downtown. Posting vids as it happens to my YouTube channel. Www.youtube.com/gplex86

I'm woefully underdressed

2011-10-15T18:34:00.001-04:00

As opposed to...

Hello from Comic Con NY!

2011-10-15T18:26:00.000-04:00

Patching Up (6) - Flying High And Losing Ground

2011-10-13T00:16:00.012-04:00

-
The white coat had been hanging in the closet for over a year, waiting for me. Now I got to dress up, put it on, and see patients. The idea was for me to learn how to interview patients. Many medical schools use actors for this, but NYMC instead uses clinical preceptorships. You get to see real patients in the first year.

After interviewing a some patients, Dr. Luis would take me into an empty room and start drawing on that paper that goes on top of the exam table.

"Tell me history of the present illness... did you learn about her sick father?... did you catch this problem? Do you know why that is?"

"You naturally connect with patients. They really want to talk to you." Dr. Luis said over and over during those winter months. What he was really reminding me of, not knowing it, was that I had some worth. That had been hard to come by. I have some talents? I'm not a failure? Wow.

At the end of one of my visits, just as I'm about to leave, his beeper goes off.

"Do you want to see a C-section?" I never saw any birth before!

Next thing I know, I'm in the locker room getting undressed with Dr. Luis. He hands me bright green stuff to cover my face, head and feet. The whole shebang. We go in together. The baby comes out and Dr. Luis' clears it's airway and takes an APGAR score. The baby screams for the first time. I leave with Dr. Luis to inform the dad that everything went OK. He thanks us both for doing such a good job. The mask obscures my smile.

"What good is a sundial in the shade?" -Ben Franklin

I took a long time to realize what I'm good and bad at, and why. I can put together incredibly vivid memories. I can access information in my head without delay. I can come up with complex ideas on the spot. My ideas and my ability to communicate are worth something for sure. But I cannot rote memorize. I guess that's just how my brain works. At 23 I didn't know myself well enough to know that. That is where the feeling of failure came from.

The winter was ending and it was getting to be spring. Preceptorship couldn't have been going better. I was going to pass physiology. But not biochemistry. Had I told Dr. Luis that I couldn't pass a class, he probably would have thought I was joking. For now, at least, I wasn't in any danger. Failing one class isn't a huge problem. Unfortunately there was one block left for the year.

-----

Catch up on Patching Up:

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-2.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-3.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/09/patching-up-4.html

http://gavincomplex.blogspot.com/2011/10/patching-up-5.html

I haunt NYMC like a living ghost!

2011-10-11T21:49:00.002-04:00

BOO! Hide the first years! I shook up NYMC so bad - it converted.

Star Trek fans: brighten your day, with a nice, tall glass of...

2011-10-11T10:56:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_yl5_GsJTc&t=2m

Hitler Finds Out His First Medical School Exam Grade - Almost 14,000 views!!!

2011-10-10T20:02:00.000-04:00

Let's push it over the edge! 15,000 and beyond!!!

(Skip intro, direct link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5S4CDpmv58&t=10s)

Testing Twitterfeed

2011-10-10T20:00:00.003-04:00

(tap)

Is this on?

The good 'ol Wang Center

2011-10-10T18:35:00.004-04:00

Allowing Asian students at SBU to return to their natural habitat... And compensate for their teeny weeny Asian peenies.

Patching Up (5) - My journey into and out of med school

2011-10-09T00:21:00.017-04:00

I'm gonna be a good med student. Honest.

The first block consists of dead bodies and microscopes - anatomy and histology. The previous year I completed most of those two courses, so about three-quarters of it was old stuff.

But this time things were different. I went in guns blazing.

(That's a real assault rifle. If you ever get a chance to hold one, I suggest you try it)

I'd get up at seven every morning to get my ass to lecture. It wasn't hard, not yet. Me and my ass were in good old Cooke Auditorium almost all day. I'd scribble notes on yellow pads, read the transcripts, re-write them on white pads, then put them on flash cards. Nerves, blood vessels, muscles, bones, and lymphatics. I read the books I was told to read. And I studied well into the evening before going home. Hey, it's almost as if my career depended on it. I made an effort to get to know the other med students, something I couldn't bring myself to do the year before. I ate lunch with the same group and occasionally studied with others.

When it came to the anatomy dissections, I was a mystro. Formaldehyde? It never bugged me. I've always been good at working with my hands, and I have a knack for picking up on muscle memory pretty quick. I made it a point to show my lab mates around the body. I didn't necessarily know what everything was called or where it was supposed to be. All I know is, I can get all the bullshit out of the way quickly so you could see the real meat. I wasn't afraid to cut quickly and with long strokes, which is actually how it's supposed to be done but new students are afraid to just DO IT. If a rib was in the way, I'd snap it back. Much was made by our professors, and indeed by other students, about how profound it is to cut out a human heart and hold it.

The study zone

Truth is, it didn't really strike me as that profound. It was a preserved body - that's all. They don't look anything close to alive. It is pretty cool to squeeze the lungs and feel the air bubbles come out. That's their last breath. It feels like Rice Krispies. Once in a while, a new body fresh from the hospital would come in. Fourth year medical students doing an elective rotation would pick the whole cadaver apart in just a few days (we spent months on it). Once, we got a teenage girl with Turner's syndrome. She had fresh stitches in her heart and her nails were still painted. Pretty real.

Almost every day there'd be some sort of an interest group meeting at the med school or the hospital, Westchester Medical Center. Suture labs, splint labs, cardiology interest group, peds interest group... they all came with longcoats, a talk and free food! There's an old saying that somewhere there's always a free meal at a hospital. That's absolutely true at NYMC if you're OK with eating lots of pizza. I scheduled a ton of these meetings because, well, I wanted to be involved. I wanted to dive in.

All arrows point to food

An opportunity came up to join the med student journal, Quill & Scope. I knew the people running it from the year before. I got involved in that and they let me be managing editor, which was pretty cool but a lot of work. It meant I we had to put the damn thing together. It reminded me of the good old days working on the Michigan Daily. Now I felt well-rounded.

I finished the first block and did OK. Not great, but OK. The system was working and I was into it. This is totally going to work!

Next post: It totally continues to work! Wow! I start biochem and physio... and get to use the white coat. On live patients!

Shit Bowl

2011-10-08T18:34:00.005-04:00

This toilet

Seat broken

Handle broken

Chain unchained

Bowl clogged.

Why, toilet?

Why don't you shoot a geyser

Up my ass

And fuck me

Aquatically?

That's right, toilet

You know where the good shit comes from

I know you're doing this on purpose

Nice fall day at Stony Brook

2011-10-06T13:10:00.001-04:00

How a Jew drives across country.

2011-10-04T14:35:00.001-04:00

For $0.40 a meal!

An update to my 4-yr-old Michigan Daily story

2011-10-03T13:37:00.001-04:00

It seems Meijer listened! (pic).

The story is link is posted below. It includes my favorite written line EVER! Can you guess what it is?

http://www.michigandaily.com/content/gavin-stern-mirage-distribution

One more day

2011-10-03T11:36:00.001-04:00

Wwwwwwwoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

2011-10-01T12:39:00.001-04:00

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

2011-09-30T17:00:00.002-04:00

Patching Up (4)

2011-09-28T21:01:00.005-04:00

This time it's for real.

I didn't write much about my first try at med school because, well, it didn't last long...

That's what SHE said!

After all, the explanation for taking the leave of absence was pretty tight. I thought I was tired. I took the time off. Done. I spent my time off catching up on the world I missed. I signed up for Twitter and figured out what the hell that was all about. I got a PS3 and played games again. I had sold most of them off. I started reading. Not just books, I realized I gave up on a lot of the websites that I once identified with.

I plugged back in, and I started this blog.

I rarely read fiction, although I like to watch and live it. But I did read a lot of books about the meaning of medicine, and the kind of person it takes to be a physician. I methodically went through all the specialties and got excited about a few of them. I rallied my confidence that I possessed the brains to pull this off. I stared straight ahead at those books like my entire future depended on their contents. Meanwhile, an 800 pound gorilla was jumping up and down in the periphery. Occasionally he would smack the ass of an African elephant and laugh. The bonobo riding on top of the elephant, he looked off into the distance, a little bewildered but refusing to dismount. This elephant, the bonobo thought - nay, he KNEW! - was going to take me somewhere. This is the right elephant for me, and no matter how much that gorilla protests, or the elephant squeals, I'm not going anywhere.

Did I just write a metaphor?

I arrived back in Valhalla for the second time. It was 2009 and I was going to start up in the Class of 2013. I went through all the check-in stations, got a better picture for my ID, and even tricked NYMC into giving me a second white coat. I already owned the books, which thankfully were all the same edition. And I knew what was coming.

Gavin Stern, NYMC '13 was twenty pounds lighter, 30 graduate credits heavier, and pretty fucking excited to give his life away all over again. For what?

My fourth best memory

2011-09-27T00:42:00.010-04:00

What was your best memory?

If I described my top three, Gavin Complex would get flagged as a porno site. Just being honest. So I'll skip down to #4. I think it's relevant to the "Patching Up" series.

It's winter break and bitter cold tonight. I enter the home of an elderly couple in Ypsilanti, Michigan. The house is a bubble in a neighborhood that went downhill long ago. I hand supplies to the paramedics and they attach EKG leads to the wife. They show me how to stick eight leads on the chest and four on the limbs. I know about the four leads, the eight not so much. The medic's rugged, dark clothing is covered in pockets and full of supplies. I wear a simple blue and grey trainee uniform. It says, "EMT Specialist"

The EKG prints out and the medic's eyes grow wide. He tells me to get supplies ready in the ambulance and hurry.

I run out into a street my mother would not be proud of, alone, and set up the IV bags. Soon the ambulance is going full speed with lights and sirens blaring. One medic drives while the other is in the back with the patient and me. It's dark and the ambulance is rocking back and forth violently. The medic prepares an IV needle but can't get a line in. Old patients are like that. He keeps trying and tells me to try an IV on the other arm. I've only done it five or six times, all in a quiet hospital. And I usually screw it up.

Usually I don't do much in the back of the ambulance - I'd peer out the window as the glorified shoebox bounced around and wonder where I'd gone wrong. Why things weren't working out the way I planned. How I was going to work through it all and finish my studies. Would it all be worth it? Would it all pay off? College is ending and it's a very cold, dark winter for sure.

I struggle to tie the arm and get the cap off. The ambulance is shaking. My hand is shaking. The diesel engine's roar is interrupted only by the sirens. The medic still doesn't have a line.

I hold my breath and plunge the needle in.

FLASH!

"I GOT IT!"

Patching Up (3)

2011-09-26T15:54:00.013-04:00

The road to hell began and ended at Sunshine Cottage.

Cool building, right? 100 years ago it was a children's hospital. If you look you can see frogs. turkeys and evergreen trees in the architecture. That's where awkward premed students shuffle in to interview, where administration lived and where the Big Desk was. We'll get there - eventually.

In our first lecture as medical students, there was a cardboard box by the door. The professor told us to drop our egos into it. He said he'd give it back to us in four years at Carnegie Hall, where New York Med students graduate. I refused to drop mine in. I thought it was stupid.

A slight problem arose, pretty much immediately once it was time to hit the books - I couldn't work anymore. No matter what I did, or what permutation I used to study, I couldn't work like I used to. I barely contacted my friends in Michigan. I didn't talk to my parents. I didn't watch football. I didn't care. It was lonely trying to study out there. And there is so much to study.

Summer leaves and the fall sets in. The med school grades aren't good. I didn't realize at the time that I was depressed, and the reason was simple - I was stuck doing something that I didn't really want to do. That the richness of my life was being sucked out. It's frustrating to think that it took two more years to fully realize that why my happiness was gone.

The explanation I came up with at the time was that I was just burned out. That had to be it. I just needed more time to recover. After all, most of the other med students took at least a year off before med school. If I had that, I would be able to work again. The only thing I really enjoyed were my public health classes. They reminded me of the humanities classes I took in college, where thought and discussion was valued over rote memorization.

I went into Sunshine Cottage to talk with the Dean of Student Affairs. I think it was my second or third time in that building. She offered me a switch into the decelerated program, which I turned down. I had my own plan. I wanted to take a leave of absence from the medical school. In the meantime, I would stick around full time in the School of Public Health. After all, it's common for MD/MPH students to finish in five years. That was my way of salvaging it. It was a good plan.

My first stint in medical school, Class of 2012, lasted about 3 months. I didn't even get to use the white coat. The rest of the year was pretty nice. I felt better! I enjoyed public health, made friends outside of med school, and even got laid a few times. Not too shabby. When I look back on my time at NYMC, I felt most like myself in the public health program. The med school felt like pretending.

And that year, 2008-09, was ultimately very successful. I took extra credits to catch up on the masters degree and knocked out 30 credits of the 46 required. It was as if I never wasted those 3 months in the MD program. By the spring I moved off campus, read a bunch of books on the meaning of becoming a doctor, and got into great physical shape.

I was ready to go for real this time. Class of 2013, here we come!

Patching up (2)

2011-09-25T22:36:00.011-04:00

What happens when you get everything that you wanted?

I dreamed of getting into medical school throughout all of college. It seemed like a distant dream. If you're outside of the premed culture, you may not be aware what the task entails.

You have to take two years of chemistry, one year of biology, one year of physics, and maybe some math. You need to take these classes, and you need to do very well. At the University of Michigan the average grade in science classes was a B-. So if you're average, which is no small feat at UofM, you end up with a GPA close to 2.7. Catastrophe. In the US, you need about a 3.5 in order to have a decent shot getting into medical school.

All of those above-average students then get corralled like cattle into taking the MCAT, the Medical College Admissions Test. The average score is about a 24, but the average accepted student back in 2008 was about a 30. So in order to have a shot at getting into medical school, you really need to be the best of the best.

In theory.

At the end of organic chemistry lab, the graduate student instructor passed out our exam grades. I got a B+ and was pretty happy about it. Another student threw his test on the ground and stomped on it. He wasn't fucking around. I picked it up for him: he had an A-.

That's not the kind of person I wanted to be.

I was the worst of the best of the best. And I loved that. There were so many great things to learn and to do - it was such a vast world - why would I want to spend any more time on admissions bullshit than I needed to? Finishing premed would not get in the way of anything else I wanted to study. I milked that university for all it was worth, filled my schedule to the brim, and drank it all down with smelly belch to finish it off. I ran my research project in the morning, studied what I wanted during the day (plus some science), then changed into my EMT uniform and stopped by the Michigan Daily on the way to Huron Valley Ambulance. They were full days, but they were my days. The weekends were spent with friends and revolved around Michigan Football. When that season was done, I volunteered with the Red Cross at the hockey games.

Living within all those competing cultures made for a very rich life, and it defines who I am today. So I took my rich life, 3.5 GPA and 30 MCAT and ran with it to New York.

Rich life? Remember that? How can I have one and contend with this?

I learned early on that you absolutely cannot. But that didn't stop me from trying. As soon as I could, I signed up for the MD/MPH program. It was on.

(More to come)

Patching Up (1)

2011-09-25T15:35:00.022-04:00

So I realized that I never really explained what the hell I ended up doing with my life, and how I got here. I've made a lot of new friends here at Stony Brook who don't quite know the story, and my friends at New York Med are a little busy. The next few posts will clear all that up and explain the direction of this blog (and a brand new one at Patch.com).

Back in 2008, which seems like a very long time ago now, I was in the final stretch of a really tough year finishing up at the University of Michigan. Personally, it kind of sucked, especially since the previous three years of college were so much fun.

But I got what I came for, and after a national interviewing tour (how the hell did I finish my classes during that?) I got into medical school and felt a little like this:

Those were the days, and it felt great. In four years I knocked out all the premed crap, majors in biopsych and English, and snuck in a biology minor right at the end. 151 credits of glory (171 if you count AP's). Naturally medical school was the right place for me to go. So I loaded up my Corolla and drove on over to New York Medical College in Valhalla, NY.

Everything had to fit in that car. I'm sorry to say a lot got left behind. It wasn't too long of a drive - you can make it there from Michigan in about 10 hours if you really push it. But about halfway there, I got my first bit of bad news. I read the email on a tiny flip-phone screen (this is 2008, who had smartphones?). In the rush to finish, I screwed up big time. My honors thesis didn't get accepted.

I decided to just let it go. I didn't fight for it. Was that the right choice after two years running this project? I think so. I benefitted from it substantially even without the honors. As I continued the drive, I tried to focus on all the good things, like winning the state neuroscience convention just a few months earlier. But the loss really hurt. I wanted total victory and I didn't quite get it. The rest of the way to New York, I kind of just limped.

Eh, fuck it! I don't need to worry about any of this undergrad shit. I'm in med school now! Put it all behind you. You're starting a new life. So here I am, 22 years old, fresh from Ann Arbor. I've arrived in the Westchester suburbs, just north of New York City. It's beautiful, like living in the country.

August is on the way. The students are barbecuing and playing outside. Most of them are much older than me and I feel naive by comparison. I'll grab a beer and join in. I'm on the brick road, for now.

(to be continued)

Rally To Restore Coffee!

2011-09-23T19:03:00.001-04:00

"Gavin,

Thank you so much for your inspiring dedication to the Coffee Party and for signing up to speak at the Enough Is Enough Rally! [In DC, on Oct 29]

We will follow up with you in the next 7 days about exactly when you will be speaking. You can also check our new website for updates about the event."

Has to do with this website: http://www.citizensintervention.com

Patch.com reporter interviews... ME????

2011-09-15T17:27:00.002-04:00

http://threevillage.patch.com/articles/faces-of-three-village-gavin-stern-comedian

Gavin Stern Standup at New York Comedy Club 9-9-11 (Stand up, med school comedy)

2011-09-12T13:16:00.003-04:00

My newest standup act:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVp0-LM1KwE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

"You dropped out of med school? Let me shake your hand!"

2011-09-09T19:18:00.001-04:00

-A prominent Long Island doc

Hello again, it's been awhile

2011-09-06T16:26:00.001-04:00

Will be at NYMC on Tuesdays

Local reporter picks up my crusade against LIPA, in the post-Irene wasteland of Stony Brook, NY

2011-09-01T09:46:00.000-04:00

http://threevillage.patch.com/d/articles/youtube-stony-brook-man-versus-refrigerator-post-irene

Post-Irene Apocalypse... The Fridge

2011-08-30T23:35:00.002-04:00

Post-Irene apocalypse... the fridge

Help us! Hurricane Irene!!!! GAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

2011-08-30T23:04:00.002-04:00

Seeking help in the post-Irene apocalypse of Stony Brook Village.

Official Motto of Long Island

2011-08-24T21:09:00.001-04:00

The official motto of Long Island is, apparently, "HOW YOU DOIN'?" Do these people really give a shit? Or is it a rhetorical question?

If Long Island ever secedes from NY, this needs to go on the Great Seal.

8/13/11 Gavin Stern - Stand Up at New York Comedy Club (Medical School Standup NY)

2011-08-15T22:55:00.002-04:00

GPLEX86@GMAIL.COM

Gavin Stern: The "How To Get Kicked Out Of Medical School" Stand-Up Act - New York Comedy Club July 2011 (Standup Comedy)

2011-08-08T20:49:00.003-04:00

Gavin Stern - Kicked Out of Med School Standup Act - Eastville Comedy Club

2011-07-16T21:39:00.001-04:00

A mix of old and new material at the Eastville Comedy Club in NYC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4AugX7nkfI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I had a good time, but need some practice working the smaller, more
"Average Joe" audiences. I'll be on the circuit again soon.

Another college advertises at NY Med College. Nice.

2011-07-08T15:14:00.001-04:00

That's pretty obnoxious.

Goodbye, New York Med

2011-07-01T11:26:00.001-04:00

And now, I say goodbye to NYMC. It has been three years of the most
trying experience I can remember. This is period of my life that I
know will shape the rest of it forever. I am far stronger because of
it. It is no exaggeration to say that I got to know nearly 1,000
medical students, grad students, and faculty. I am glad to have met
every one of you and I wish you all the best. May your board scores be
high and your match lists bear fruit. Try to take good care of
yourselves. Well, I guess that's it. I'm off to do something totally
new!

Final Score: Gavin 150, Landlord 50

2011-06-27T19:33:00.000-04:00

We glared at one another on the sidestreet, under the swaying branches
of ancient suburban trees. The Beast was large and sweaty. It's shadow
engulfed my own.

For sixty days It eluded my grasp, slithering away like an earthworm.
Avoiding my hook. This animal - this landlord - was a cheap bastard
indeed. But just as one cannot bullshit a bullshitter, one also cannot
out-cheapen the full-blooded Jew that is Gavin Stern. TO WAR!!!

I based my battle plans on that of the great Israelite warriors - I
filed suit with the Mount Pleasant Town Court.

Now the Asshole was smoked out of his rabbit hole. And just as the
rabbit chews it's own shit, The Landfuck offered only half my security
deposit. This would not do! My anger grew. I'M NOT DROPPING THE CASE
FOR LESS THAN $150 YOU SLEAZY MOTHERFUCKER! It huffed and stuck out
it's chest. I think it hissed. Who does that? Honestly.

And though he was larger and better equipped, I knew I was right.
Besides, I had his nipples in a vice.

He scratched out a check on the warm, gleaming hood of a Honda Civic.
I didn't get all my money back. Yes, the Lord of the Scum Maggots will
always have a $50 piece of my flesh to flaunt and to save face.

But remember, bitch, I got the bigger piece.

gplex86 sent you a video: "Man Caught Urinating in Ore. Reservoir"

2011-06-17T15:37:00.001-04:00

help center | e-mail options | report spam

gplex86 has shared a video with you on YouTube:

WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS!!!!!!

Man Caught Urinating in Ore. Reservoir

The city of Portland was forced to temporarily take a key water supply off line after a 21-year-old man caught on video admitted urinating in a city reservoir. (June 16)

By the way, did you know you can rent movies from YouTube? Check it out now: youtube.com/movies.

My letter to Roundabout Theatre Company

2011-06-12T17:33:00.001-04:00

Seriously? I wrote this on my iPhone after walking out. Maybe I'll get some sort of explanation.

----

Hello,

I just walked out on Death Takes A Holiday (it's 9pm, intermission).

There were two men in chairs sitting behind me (I had row CC) talking to one another and typing furiously on a laptop. Since they occasionally muttered lines before they were spoken, I assume they are from Roundabout.

I've been to quite a few shows and never saw this kind of disregard for the people who purchased tickets - yes, even those of us in the last row. I couldn't tell you if the production itself was any good, since every time I got sucked in those two men brought me out again.

FINALLY!!!!!

2011-06-07T15:06:00.000-04:00

PMSL: My Post Med School Life

2011-06-01T15:22:00.001-04:00

This took a while to put together but I think I finally have it.

6/7 Begin first class towards a certificate in creative writing at NYU
6/20 Begin public health internship for NYMC
7/11 Move to Stony Brook, begin masters studies at School of Journalism

2013: Graduate with a MPH from NYMC, a MS from Stony Brook University,
and a certificate from NYU.

2013-70: Do something profound.

"IT SMELLS DELICIOUS!"

2011-05-31T14:54:00.000-04:00

Words best said to groom after catching the bride's garter and
parading around with it in your mouth. Rubbing on crotch is optional -
and admirable.

NEWSFLASH: NYMC-TOURO EMERGES FROM HUDSON RIVER

2011-05-25T13:19:00.002-04:00

(http://www.alleewillis.com/awmok/kitschenette/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Jewzilla-525x700.gif)

NYMC joins Touro College in HISTORIC BBQ

2011-05-25T13:14:00.002-04:00

NYMC-Touro Cage Match 2011!!! Adler vs Kadish!!! Prez V Prez!!!!!! After the BBQ!!!!!!!!!

2011-05-25T01:07:00.000-04:00

Favorite OBL Story

2011-05-07T10:44:00.001-04:00

...the heavily-armed, electronically wired SEALs didn't come with a
tape measure to get an accurate height reading. According to reports,
a Navy SEAL of about 6-feet laid out next to bin Laden's corpse to
gauge the Al Qaeda leader's height. The corpse was several inches
taller.

After Mr. Obama learned of the improvised height measurement
technique, he reportedly said, "We donated a $60 million helicopter to
this operation. Could we not afford to buy a tape measure?"

Full Article: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503543_162-20060734-503543.html

2011-05-02T03:44:00.000-04:00

2011-05-02T03:43:00.000-04:00

Flags and bagpipes of ground zero

2011-05-02T03:35:00.000-04:00

2011-05-02T03:00:00.001-04:00

SELLING: 12,000 BTU A/C - SO POWERFUL IT MAKES OTHER UNITS LOOK LIKE SPACE HEATERS!!!

2011-04-26T18:48:00.003-04:00

Legend has it, Mister Freeze himself used the same model A/C to freeze Gotham City.

Its design is so exotic that the engineering team at LG Electronics was promoted to the Cold Nuclear Fusion Unit.

Frankly, you don't deserve to have an A/C this good in your Grasslands Apartment.

But I need the money, and so I now offer you the CROWN JEWEL of air conditioners, the LG LWHD1209R (yes, the R model!) for the unbelievable price of $75. And yes - I deliver!

Photos attached. Call, text or email me!

-Gavin

American Idiot

2011-04-24T18:03:00.001-04:00

I would tell you it's awesome.

I would tell you that Billie Joe Armstrong is The Shit

I would tell you to go see it

But today was the last day on Broadway

Muh-hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

This is it- the crown jewel

2011-04-20T10:23:00.002-04:00

The mirage of distribution

2011-04-18T02:01:00.001-04:00

By Gavin Stern On September 14th, 2007

It all began when I took a box of Quaker Oats chewy granola bars off the shelf. In the past, my personal relationship with granola bars was simple. I needed the food, and Mr. Quaker had the oats: in a wrapper, in my backpack, in between classes and impervious to contamination.

"Or is it?" asked the deep, ominous voice-of-reason in my head. I dropped the box. "Don't you know those granola bars could be imports from China?" the voice sad.

Let's take a step back. I'm just looking for a decent, American granola bar for my between-class sustenance. This task should not require auditory hallucinations. Maybe I brought it upon myself - I knew I shouldn't have brushed with that antifreeze-laced toothpaste or played with my lead-painted Dora the Explorer dolls before going food shopping.

Yet with so much anecdotal evidence, I had to at least read the fine print. The box said it was distributed by something-something in Chicago, Ill. That sounds fine - what beef could Illinois possibly have with me? But just because those snacks are distributed from Illinois does not mean that they were made domestically, the voice reminded me. They still could have been imported from - and contaminated in - China.

This is serious business, indeed. Perhaps these Quaker granola bars aren't really made from scratch in the mountains of Pennsylvania by devout Quakers. Why do they have to hide under the guise of distribution? Have I stumbled upon an international granola conspiracy? How very Nicolas Cage of me. And if so, what happened to all the good, unionized, blue-collar-working-class-American granola factory workers?

I tried another box, Nature's Valley. But did my fresh bounty really grow from natural granola deposits in a valley in Americana? Again, the box said, "Distributed by . " The ambiguity really began to frighten me. I can imagine a global corporation distributing outsourced granola by trucking it through Nature's Valley. On freshly paved asphalt.

How about the local brand then? That should eliminate the need for burdensome investigative shopping. Meijer carries its own brand from local vendors. This is the Midwest, after all - where food is grown, squashed, cut and milked into little wrapped packages for easy consumption. It's the American way. Surely, I must be able to find home-grown granola here.

Nope.

Now I felt the aisles closing in. Suddenly, the boxes of granola I was holding didn't look so friendly - despite the assurances of Mr. Quaker's glowing red cheeks, Nature Valley's scenic vistas and Mr. Meijer's curvaceous signature. I began to plunder the rest of my shopping cart for answers. The truth, however, was anecdotally mind-blowing.

The only item I could find that was clearly "Made in the USA" was Meijer-brand tomato sauce. The Prego and Ragu did not specify the country of origin. The cans of tuna fish I got on sale were pretty honest at least, but I don't know much about Singapore other than it's on the same continent as China.

I fell to my knees in despair. Holding back tears and concerned onlookers, I cried out to the glowing white warehouse lights for a savior. I needed to know that someone, somewhere cares about the safety of my food. But then, peering into the florescent cosmos, I came to a profound realization. Maybe it doesn't matter where all our food comes from. It absolutely has to be safe because there's an entire government agency dedicated to certifying and screening out the bad apples.

But how would the government even know? The best apples all come from Chile.

I don't understand how the educated American shopper let this un-information slip by. Most of us eat at least three times a day; somebody should have noticed. It's bad enough that American companies are turning toward imported food instead of things that could as easily be grown here; they should at least disclose the country of origin. Yes, even for granola bars.

I would have bought an American snack for a little extra - I still trust the government's inadequate oversight more than most. The alternative would be to keep playing Russian roulette with a fork. And even though few people have become ill from contaminated imports, eventually someone you know is going to get poked because of lax regulations of foreign governments concerned only about profits for their companies.

And you know what? That fork was probably made in China, too.

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Printed from www.michigandaily.com

Courage, valor, light bulbs

2011-04-18T01:53:00.002-04:00

By Gavin Stern On April 5th, 2007

Recently, I heard that incandescent light bulbs produce carbon emissions equivalent to millions of cars and that a major industrialized nation like Australia even outlawed them. The great state of California is considering passing a similar law (the How Many Legislators Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb Act) because such emissions maim innocent polar bear cubs. I consider myself to be a pretty practical person, so the whole situation got me wondering about workable alternatives.

And I mean workable. The last thing I need is for the bulb-stapo to kick in my door and smash all my light bulbs with little hammers. I heard it happened somewhere - San Francisco maybe? Just imagine cleaning up all that glass. And who knows, the "soft-white scare" may eventually spread even closer to home. Ontario, for example, is another rogue government bent on outlawing the bulb of our forefathers. I don't need that kind of stress, I've got exams coming up.

Thinking: "Wait, compact florescent bulbs last up to ten times longer?" Yeah, but - "They'll save money on my electric bill?" Sure, well - "They're on sale? Hold on, buy-one-get-one-free? Dude, I'm so there!"

Convinced, I hopped into my EPA-certified 39 miles-per-gallon Toyota Corolla to valorously save the planet Earth from thermo-apocalyptic annihilation.

Have you ever looked at a compact florescent bulb before? I mean, really looked at it? The spiral tubing is so postmodern, like a North Campus building. And with the "natural sunlight" coating, I can bask in 800-lumen environmental gloriousness and do it in style. I bought four, screwed in my bulb-messiah and flipped the switch.

"What the hell is this?" my retina cried. That really surprised me, because I never knew retinas had feelings. And it wasn't kidding, either, because there were some pretty strange photons emanating from that thing. Did I accidentally pick the Kryptonian light bulb? Nope, the package claims natural sunlight. Naturally. Maybe the alien light rays gave me superpowers. No? Damn. OK, I'm still dedicated to the cause. I'll just drive back and pick out another brand.

The next light-liberator I picked actually claimed to have a "soft white" color. No cool coiling, and it's only supposed to last six times longer than my old bulb - but it's still buy-one-get-one-free. Maybe this is what the Australians are using. If it's good enough for them, no reason why it can't work in this hemisphere. I screwed in the bulb and got my roommate to flip the switch.

"Uh - how many watts is it supposed to be?" he said, scowling.

"Should be 60. Pretty dim, though."

"Wait, it's getting brighter."

Indeed, the large cross-sectional area of the non-coiled florescent bulb meant that the gasses inside take a bit longer to heat up. And the color still wasn't that great, kind of like a warehouse glow. At this point, I lacked the courage to face the store manager again. But I couldn't give up completely. I still can't. Somebody has to save the polar bear cubs.

"Where the hell are we gonna put all these bulbs?"

Then after dinner I got a bright and practical idea. The bathroom, where no one cares about the lights.

I tried. I really tried.

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Printed from www.michigandaily.com

Remember this final exam?

2011-04-17T23:16:00.001-04:00

Mr Keenan's freshman English. I believe I just memorized it. Anyone
chart sentences recently? Is that what it was even called?

Record Store Day

2011-04-16T10:41:00.000-04:00

Support your local record store! Special music releases today at
independent record stores.

Here's the only location in West Palm Beach, FL. Yes, that's a line of
people waiting to buy vinyl.

Now this is a damn restaurant

2011-04-14T16:39:00.000-04:00

People of the North,
People of the Pacific,

If you see one of these, have a seat (outside only, most likely) and
stuff your fucking face with this shit!

Breakfast on the beach.

2011-04-14T11:34:00.001-04:00

Surrounded by yentas. Very afraid.

"Perfect is the enemy of good"

2011-04-13T03:40:00.001-04:00

-
I've been getting a lot of questions about what my plans are. I guess
I have some fans?

The good people at NYMC offered me a great opportunity to start in the
Doctor of Public Health program this fall. That's a DrPH, by the way.
It's two years post-masters so I'll be at NYMC until at least 2013.
From now until September, I'm finishing my masters degree.

I'm also enrolling at NYU this summer for some creative writing. I
never really got to do it as an undergrad because all that premed crap
got in the way. Why should that stop me now? I'd love to do a full MFA
or MA but I don't think I'll have enough time for that. Instead I'm
doing a grad cert in fiction writing. If this really takes off then
maybe I'll try for something bigger. Hello NYU library! (Hello NYU
chicks! Wait, where you going???)

If you thought I was going to stop there, then you don't know me too
well. I was anticipating at least SEVEN years of medical school and
residency training. My twenties? Gone. Now my mindset is - what am I
going to do with the seven years I saved? For all I know, I'll do this
doctorate and then go straight to work and get 5 years of work
experience before the "clock" runs out. Or I can build myself up in
all the things I think I can excel at. Probably there will be a
combination and some compromise.

So, let's explore!

Since medical school basically made me into a test-taking machine, I
figure I might as well slaughter a bunch of standardized tests between
now and September. See where the chips fall. First up is the LSAT, in
June. Already signed up. The LSAT is 1/4 reading comprehension, 1/2
logical reasoning, and 1/4 logic games. Put some biochem chem on it
and I MIGHT break a sweat! Maybe. Not likely. Nah. Fuck 'em. I'm kind
of a big deal.

I had always thought of going to law school and didn't really choose
between humanities and medicine until senior year of college. This is
worth looking into again. If I get a top score then I may apply in the
final year of the DrPH program and see where my options lie. No
pressure to attend since I'm getting a doctorate anyway. And no need
to go on a national tour since most of the best schools are nearby.
Maybe I'll do part time? There are some excellent programs in NYC.

All of this is just to get a feel for things. I always have to know.

OK, back to what I'm doing this summer. Once I have an LSAT score on
the books I will likely hit up the GRE. Oooohhhh scary! When they
start ringing a bell every minute and asking me to write down tagged
structures on a corpse… well I'll probably just write the name down
and tell them to stop fucking around. Is there gross anatomy on the
GRE? I hope so because I'd rock that bitch.

Another possible route I'm exploring is journalism school. I did a lot
of that in the past (never really left, actually) and it may be a nice
addition to a public health degree. It's also a pretty quick degree
(18 months) and can be done part time. Or even jointly with a JD.
Oh yeah!

Think about that. In the seven years I was going to spend training to
be a physician (potentially up to TEN years), I could get a doctorate
in public health, a law degree, and a journalism degree. With one or
two years to spare for work experience! Whether I stay in school or
get to work, I'm playing to my strengths now and feel confident in the
options I have.

Excited? You bet your ass I am.

And no - I do not at all regret going to or leaving medical school. I
think they were both good decisions. My only regret is the physical
toll but that can be fixed in time.

Sunshine Returns

2011-04-13T02:14:00.004-04:00

-
Tides are rising
To sweep the sands
Now I am trying
To level these plans

I step into the bricks and columns
Of what would have been
Creak open the door and enter
A lobby lined with portraits
Of elder physicians
The curved ceilings stood high
The lights hung just over my head
A man in the white coat seats me
Opposite his desk and speaks softly
Now you leave without regret

Dreams are dying
And I am breaking them
With this letter's signing
I am free again

Home for the week. Aw yeah look at this hot bod!

2011-04-12T15:09:00.001-04:00

Even the sky has an end.

2011-04-10T20:15:00.001-04:00

After going to med school, and leaving med school, everything feels
easy by comparison. LSAT? Puh-lease. GRE? Get outta here! This
questionable academic experience has actually boosted my
self-confidence.

I know that I cannot do everything. But as I search for my true place
in this society, I think this ceiling is high enough that it might as
well not be there.

To the poor med students: try to picture yourself as someone on the
outside. I hope you can see that you're performing a superhuman feat.
And if you're struggling or compromising your happiness, then it means
you are only human.

I love Gen X parents

2011-04-08T18:06:00.000-04:00

"Do you know who Skeletor is? He's a skeleton with a staff and big swords!"

Things not to say to librarians

2011-04-08T00:08:00.001-04:00

When a librarian tells you it's closing time, do not yell, "11:59!!!"

My new favorite Youtube guy

2011-04-07T17:12:00.001-04:00

""SHOOTING WHILE PEPPER SPRAYED"

"Dual Wielding M-16's"

He's got about 200 videos of this stuff. It doesn't get old.

Nuts - proposed Republican budget

2011-04-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

Enter... THE SUPERJEW!!!

2011-04-03T02:19:00.002-04:00

Vinyl Rip of 'Insomniac' by Green Day

2011-03-31T18:09:00.003-04:00

Got the record today. Look at that dynamic range! I had the CD for 15
years and never really heard it.

Oh, and here's what a MP3 rip of the CD looks like. What a mess.

I can't believe someone bought this book from me!

2011-03-21T01:31:00.001-04:00

Expedited shipping, no less.

USMLE Road Map: Gross Anatomy

"Some notes in the head & neck section but NO HIGHLIGHTING. A small
coffee stain that doesn't affect the content at all. Trust me, you
will be fine with this book for med school and save a few bucks. Good
luck with your studies!"

Fwd: HP laser gun cartridges

2011-03-15T11:39:00.002-04:00

Date: March 15, 2011 10:02:17 AM EDT
To: ANNOUNCEMENTS
Subject: HP laser gun cartridges

We have two 49A cartridges that can be used for High Power LaserGun models 1160,1320,3390 and 3392. Available for free.

University Blaster

"I will make it through the day, and then the day becomes the night. I will make it through the night."

2011-03-13T13:33:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, I know what I am chasing
I know, I know, I know that this is changing me

I am flying on a star into a meteor tonight
I am flying on a star, star, star
I will make it through the day
And then the day becomes the night
I will make it through the night

-R.E.M.